A Pharmacist's Guide to Patient Etiquette

This was published in the Pharmacy Times with some editing by me. Seriously, my tech and I kept this list in the pharmacy one day just to see. We almost peed our pants when we read it. These things are sooooo true. I wish they weren't. We fill about 80 prescriptions a day. We had almost 50 tally marks! You would be amazed. Obviously this will not be as funny if you don't know much about pharmacy. If you do know about pharmacy, prepare to nod to everyone stinkin one of these! Sorry it's kind of long...

1. Be sure to stare at the pharmacist while your prescriptions are being filled. Staring at the pharmacist makes him or her work faster.

2. Never remember the name of the medications you are taking. By calling it "the little white pill," you are sure to receive the correct medication.

3. When calling in 8 prescriptions or more, always arrive at the pharmacy to pick them up within 10 minutes of calling. It's okay to hurry pharmacists. If they make a mistake, it won't kill you or anything.

4. Feel free to ask the pharmacy staff for the exact price of your prescription before it is filled. The staff should know every co-pay for every insurance plan.

6. Be sure to get upset about the co-pay. The co-pay is set on the whim of the pharmacist and has nothing to do with your insurance company [and the plan you chose to buy --Sarah].

9. Upon calling in a refill for a maintenance medication without refills, always question why the doctor has to be called when you've taken the medication for years. It is only a myth that prescription medications have to be ordered by medical doctors.

10. Always question why the insurance company does not want you to get your Synthroid 10 days too soon. After all, you pay $5 for it, so it's not like it costs more than that.

11. Over-the-counter displays are put there in order to entertain your children. Please encourage them to play with any item and even open one or two.

12. Make sure you save all of your old insurance cards. One of pharmacists' favorite games is to guess which one is current.

13. When you call in a prescription, just say, "I need to get my [name of drug] refilled." You can be sure the pharmacist will recognize your voice and know your prescription number by heart.

14. Pharmacists are some of the few people whose ears work independently. So when you see a pharmacist on the phone, feel free to just start talking -- his free ear will hear everything.

15. The pharmacist is the only person in the store is really capable of writing down your refill numbers, so when you call, demand to speak only to the pharmacist.

16. Try to do all your pharmacy business on a Monday. The pharmacist will appreciate it.

17. When walking up to the counter, just say, "Can I pick up my prescription?" Guessing who you are is another pharmacist game.

18. When there are several people ahead of you near the pick-up counter, always stand right at it [and even put your groceries down on it --]. The pharmacist will then know how important you are and fill your Rx first, and, if not, you can listen to juicy patient-pharmacist conversations.

19. If you are not asked for your insurance card, it means that the pharmacist wants to fill your prescription and then, after you are told how much it is, you can shout, "I have insurance." The pharmacist will love to do it over.

20. When you need a really old prescription filled, tell the pharmacist that you have a standing order for it. This works especially well if the doctor who wrote it is dead.

21. When you get a new insurance card, make sure you keep it a secret. The pharmacist would rather phone your old company to find out why your Rx claim is being rejected.

23. When you order your prescription refills and the pharmacist asks which ones, respond by saying, "All of them." He will know.

25. when asking for a refill on a pain medication, make sure you wait until the last one is gone and then try to call late on a Friday afternoon. It will be easy for the pharmacist to get in touch with the doctor to get a new Rx.

[26. If you are going on vacation, do not plan ahead for having your medications while you are away. Wait until the day before or even the morning of your departure before trying to order your refills. The pharmacy staff love going through the insurance run-around of seeking a vacation-supply override. This is doubly fantastic if your Rx is out of refills as well. Be sure to get frantic at these obstacles, because it's entirely the fault of the pharmacy staff for not foreseeing your vacation and planning ahead for you. Sarah]

My own added:

27. Always tell the pharmacist why you need your control early for the third week in a row. She will believe the dog ate it again, 3rd sister in three weeks has committed suicide, you have an emergency trip that you happen to be on the day I tell you it can be filled, your insurance won't cover it this month so don't even try, and you accidentally flushed it. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe some of the stories. If you are trying to get more drugs that you should never say anything. Too much talking makes me suspicious. If it's forged or multiple control from multiple doctors the patients always talk way too much and have way too many stories. That's the way it is. I always know.

28. Be sure to tell me the amoxicillin is free because I may not remember if you don’t.

29. Please, bring 35 groceries to check out with your free antibiotic.

Now, I expect you all to be better pharmacy customers.